Patience, honestly, is something parents of children and young adults with additional needs just have to develop. If it doesn’t come to you naturally, you’ll soon figure out that it’s an absolute must. Alongside Time, which is another vital thing in your life, patience and the ability to give most of your time becomes your daily companion. I’m sure many of you will agree with me that while there are plenty of qualities we could talk about, Patience and Time really stands out.
As I often say, giving your time to a child is like giving your love. And for our children, that time is absolutely precious. Your child might not have the ability to wait or understand that we’re busy with something else, so our time feels like it’s in constant demand. And, as a parent, I totally get how exhausting that can be.
Personally, I try to get things done while David is in rehab care or first thing in the morning. I’m a morning person, not a night owl, so that early hour is my chance to do something just for me. It helps me reset before the day starts . Then, when David wakes up, I can greet him with energy and patience because I’ve had a moment to myself. I always encourage other parents to find that little window in the day to focus on themselves – it can make such a difference.
Of course, not every child understands when mum or dad is busy, especially if they’ve got additional needs. But I do think, where possible, it’s worth trying to explain. For instance, if you’ve got certain work hours where you can’t take calls, it helps to set those boundaries and teach your child that there are times when you’re not available. Easier said than done, I know! But giving it a go, even if it’s a challenge, can help in the long run. I also explain this to the team leader in David’s day service so everyone is aware of it, so they can help David understand.
And let’s be real: as parents, we end up changing our plans all the time. It could be a last-minute cancellation of our own appointments because our child needs us. I’ve found that the best approach is just to roll with it. Stressing over these changes doesn’t help anyone and only makes things harder. Over the years of working with David’s phycologist, one piece of advice I’ve taken to heart is sticking to my routine as much as possible. If a therapy session doesn’t go as planned, or we receive some tough news, I try my best to finish the appointment and carry on with my day. Again, it’s easier said than done, but it’s been a game-changer for me. It helps me stay grounded, and in turn, it benefits the rest of the family, too.
When it comes to patience and time, what else can I say? We adapt. We learn to think differently. We learn to slow down and focus on our children’s needs much more than ours, not just in childhood but throughout adulthood as well. It’s a skill we build over time – not by choice but by necessity. But in the end, it’s what helps us through, day in and day out and makes life more enjoyable for us all.