As you know, I’m a very proud mother of a 29-year-old son with lots of different abilities, and one of my favourite things to do is to advocate for children and young adults. That is why I went back to college and why I work in Financial Wellbeing, as I am very optimistic about the future.
Well, a few weeks ago I went out to dinner with a friend of mine and we were having a lovely evening when a nearby couple, completely strangers to us, casually mentioned a recent housing estate that went up in the area. They were discussing the beautiful homes; the atmosphere was pleasant and lovely.
I wasn’t taking too much notice of them (even though I could hear them as we were quite close) until one of them remarked with a sense of relief “I’m so glad we didn’t buy that house that we were looking at because next to it is going to be a shared home for people with disabilities.”
I couldn’t even say my heart sank at this stage, I was just furious, so here was a lovely couple, seemingly respectable and kind, and now expressing their relief at the prospects of not having neighbours that they seemed undesirable because they had a disability!!!
I was silent at first letting it sink in and then I contemplated whether I should stay silent just to spare my friend the discomfort or speak up to these narrow minded individuals next to me …. of course, I decided to speak up with as much calmness that I could just about muster which wasn’t a lot.
So I said to this couple, I overheard you talking about the lovely properties, and I know where it is, and am I correct in saying or did I imagine it, that you said that you were glad you didn’t buy because the people next to you would have disabilities in a shared house?
The man put down his knife and fork, looked at me and said, “Yeah, exactly, why would we want to spend that amount of money when we would be with people like that?”
So I said to them well what do you think you’ll be living next to … “MONSTERS.”
These are people who won’t get drunk in the street, take drugs and they won’t be throwing parties all night. They won’t be watching from the window to see what you’re doing either and they won’t be driving cars that are parked anywhere near yours because they don’t have the ability (this is the best I could think of in the heat of the moment).
I said imagine living next to someone whose life experience may differ greatly from yours because of the way they were born. But who also possesses value, potential, and obviously a lot more respect for others than you do, these individuals, as you call them, are not burdens, they’re part of our community, they’re exactly the same as you with hopes, dreams and a desire to live their lives just like anyone else.
The idea that people with disabilities might disturb a neighbourhood or lower the property value really, really makes my blood boil. The man apologised and said, “Yeah, I’m sorry; I didn’t really understand what a shared house was,” but of course he did.
At that moment, I just got a glimpse again of the biases present in our society. It made me feel sick, the idea that people like my David, who has taught me the importance of empathy, resilience, kindness, and above all, hope, the beautiful qualities he brings, the smile he brings to people’s faces, the love he has, and yet this is what society thinks!
Of course, I’ll continue to advocate for inclusion and encourage people to engage with and understand those who are different. I try to start with open conversations and obviously not the way I went about it.
I thought I had witnessed the transformation of communities and people, but now I wonder if I’m back to square one again. I really hope not.
Honestly, I could cry.
Dolores